Five Steps to Forgiveness

Grudges are easy to hold onto-it is forgiving that can be tough, but the benefits are enormous. Anger and resentment can not only harm you mentally, but studies have shown that there are increases in heart disease, cancer, and other deadly diseases when a person has pent-up anger. Go through these steps to help on your way to forgiving someone in your life.

1. Try to understand the pain in you. Recognizing how you really feel-your anger, fear, or grief-is important. Know that you are the only one who can change the situation you are in. No one else can.

2. Don't expect to understand why it happened in the first place. Knowing this probably won't lessen the pain and sometimes even the person who hurt you doesn't know why it occurred. Also, know that forgiving is entirely up to you and cannot always wait until the other person has admitted the wrong-this may never happen. But for your own sake, you should pursue forgiveness as a good for you.

3. Acknowledge your part. No one is perfect and conflicts are often caused by several factors. If you have harmed the person in your own way, take responsibility and ask for forgiveness yourself.

4. Don't tie your own forgiving to any forgiveness you may receive. Remember, that forgiving someone is for you, not for that person. You have the power here. It is an act of courage on your part and can help you to heal, despite what anyone else does.

5. Forgiving is not forgetting and it is not condoning. By forgiving someone, you are not saying that the behavior was acceptable. You are simply saying that you are ready to release the hurt and pain inside of you. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciling with that person. It is simply to give you peace.

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